Great Stuff

Never Make a Woman Angry

2011-05-22T02:17:00.000+08:00

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates and saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her, "Hello. How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About a year later, Saint Peter came to the womanand asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

"Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosi", she replied.

Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry. . . there will be Hell to pay!

NB: The longest word currently listed in the Oxford dictionary is the supposed lung-disease

pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (45 letters).

GOSSIP ?

2011-04-15T13:36:00.000+08:00

Next time someone starts to spread gossip, think of this:
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his
wisdom.
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of
your students?"
Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass
a little test.It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my
student let's take a m! oment to filter what you're going to say. The
first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are
about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are
about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him,
even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though,because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about
my student going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really..."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True
nor Good nor even Useful,! why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed.
This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high
esteem.
It also explains why he never found out that Plato (his student) was
having an affair with his wife.
Moral: It's good to gossip sometimes!!! ... :-)

INTERESTING FACTS

2011-03-10T09:50:00.007+08:00

Do you know that ........

In the 1400's , a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than this thumb.

Hence we have "the Rule of the Thumb "

Each King in a deck of playing cards represent a great king from history :

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs - Alexander the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

Men can real smaller print than women can ; women can hear better

Coco-Cola was orignally green

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled

'Gentlemen Only ...Ladies Forbidden '

and thus the word GOLF entered into the English Language.

It is impossible to lick your elbow

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying

Each time you sneeze, some of your brain cells die

The Story of Mary Kay

2011-03-06T23:21:00.003+08:00

Mary Kay Ash banged her head on the corporate glass ceiling one too many times. Working for several direct sales companies from the 1930's until the early 1960's, she achieved considerable success. She climbed the corporate ladder to become the sole woman on the board of directors of the World Gift Company - quite an accomplishment for a woman in the 1950's.

But life wasn't rosy at the top. Even though Mary Kay had the title and the track record, she was not taken seriously by her male peers. In board meetings, her opinions and suggestions were ignored, dismissed, or even ridiculed. Male board members minced no words in their judgment - pronouncing her guilty of "thinking like a woman."

Since the sales force was almost entirely female, Mary Kay thought that thinking like a woman was an asset. But her fellow board members disagreed. Finally, in frustration, she retired in 1963, intending to write a book to assist women in the male-dominated business.

Sitting at her kitchen table, she made two lists: one list was all the good things she had seen in the companies where she'd worked, and the other list was all the things she thought could be improved. As she re-read her lists, she realized that what she had in front of her was a marketing plan for her ideal company. In just four weeks, her "book" had become a business plan, and her retirement was over.

Both her accountant and her attorney did their best to discourage her, warning that she would be throwing her money away on this venture. But Mary Kay had heard enough male nay-saying in her corporate years - she ignored her advisors.

Her husband, unlike her accountant and attorney, was very supportive. With his help, Mary Kay developed the cosmetic products, designed packaging, wrote promotional materials and recruited and trained her female sales force.

Then the unthinkable happened; her husband of twenty-one years died of a heart attack. Another woman might have dropped her plans, or at least delayed them, but Mary Kay was a strong Texas woman. She stayed on track with the help of her twenty-year-old son, Richard Rogers and rolled out her new business in September of 1963.

Beginning with a storefront in Dallas and an investment of $5,000, Mary Kay Cosmetics earned close to $200,000 in its first year - quadrupling that amount in its second year. When Mary Kay took her company public in 1968, sales had climbed to more than $10 million.

Mary Kay's unusual corporate motto, "God first, family second, career third," was unconventional, to say the least. But she understood the need for women to have balance in their lives, and she was committed to providing unlimited opportunity for women's financial AND personal success.

Mary Kay authored three books, all of which became best-sellers. Her business model is taught at the Harvard Business School. She received many honors, including the Horatio Alger Award. Fortune magazine has named Mary Kay Cosmetics as one of the Ten Best Companies for Women, as well as one of The 100 Best Companies to Work for in America.

At the time of her death in 2001, Mary Kay Cosmetics had 800,000 independent beauty consultants in 37 countries, with total annual sales of over two billion dollars. Never underestimate the power of a woman with a mission!

I cdnuolt bleveiee tihs

2011-02-25T13:38:00.002+08:00

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh?

WHAT A TRUE MALAYSIAN SHOULD KNOW :

2011-02-19T01:55:00.003+08:00

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS:
Ajinomoto

NATIONAL INSTANT FOOD :
Maggi Mee

NATIONAL BREAKFAST :
Nasi Lemak

NATIONAL LUNCH :
Nasi Ayam

NATIONAL SUPPER :
Roti Canai & Teh Tarik

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE:
Traffic Jam

NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION :
Pineapple

NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK:
Stout. Many Malaysian men swear by it. But then after
a few pints they start swearing at everything.. .

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN):
Food Poisoning

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN):
Menstrual Pain

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIARRHOEA :
Cap Kaki Tiga.

NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES:
Panadol.

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS:
Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.

NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
Happy Hours.

NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
The sight of a police road block.

NATIONAL RICE COOKER :
NATIONAL Rice Cooker

NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP:
Anywhere. As long as it is not your house.

NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME:
Carrefour.

NATIONAL ANSWER FOR 'WHERE ARE YOU?'
-on the way.

NATIONAL OFFICIAL TIME FOR BEING LATE
-10 minutes

NATIONAL REASON FOR PRICE INCREASE
Petrol naik

NATIONAL REASON FOR PETROL INCREASE
Still cheaper than other country

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR CAUSING TRAFFIC JAM:
there was accident on the other side of the road

NATIONAL REASON WHEN REJECTING INVITATION :
'I got some work to do..u all go first'

NATIONAL REASON FOR COLLAPSED BUILDINGS & LEAKY PARLIAMENT ROOFS:
An act of God.

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR IRRESPONSIBLE POLITICAL STATEMENTS:
None. We were misquoted.

NATIONAL MINISTERIAL REASON FOR INCREASING TOLL RATES:
Lu ingat ini jalan saya punya bapak punya kah?

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR JUMPING QUEUE:
everybody jumping what!

NATIONAL EXCUSE NOT PAYING SUMMON ACCORDING TO DUE DATE:
government will give discount one of these days

NATIONAL EXCUSE TO BRIBE:
minum kopi

WHY , WHY , WHY ?????

2011-01-29T22:59:00.003+08:00

Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage.

Why do we buy hamburgers in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..

EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? But the wool'sclothings needs to be drycleaned?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Save Face

2010-12-29T16:46:00.003+08:00

Chinese Wisdom :

An American, a Japanese and a Chinese went for a hike one day.

It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted. When they came upon a small lake, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water, since it was fairly secluded.

Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, suddenly a group of ladies from town appeared. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and the Japanese quickly used their hands to cover their privates. But the Chinese covered his face and the trio ran for cover.

After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the American and the Japanese asked the Chinese why he covered his face rather than his private part. The Chinese replied, "I don't know about you....... but in my country, it's the face that people recognize."

CUTE EXAM ANSWERS

2010-07-25T11:08:00.005+08:00

The Shortest Essay

2010-06-16T17:55:00.001+08:00

This is a story of a 16 year old boy from New Hampshire who won the World's shortest essay competition.

He was awarded a scholarship at the University of Harvard for his Imagination and humor ....

Here's an example of absolute Brilliance..
Shortest Essay:

An English university creative writing class was asked to write a Concise essay containing the following elements:

1) Religion 2) Royalty 3) Sex 4) Mystery
And.......
>
>
>
>
the prize winner wrote ............

"My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who the father is."

Best Lawyer Story of the Year

2009-10-28T00:32:00.006+08:00

Charlotte, North Carolina.

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous.
The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from
the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the "fires"

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON (Arson is the crime of deliberately and maliciously setting fire to structures or wildland areas.) With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent
Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA !

STRESS explained

2009-10-13T00:02:00.002+08:00

Symptoms of Stress:

A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience,
Raised a glass of water and asked
'How heavy is this glass of water?'

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.'

He continued,
'And that's the way it is with stress management.
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,
As the burden becomes increasingly heavy,
We won't be able to carry on. '

'As with the glass of water,
You have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.
When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.'
'So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.

Whatever burdens you're carrying now,
Let them down for a moment if you can.'
So, my friend, Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while

Lessons of Life

2009-09-21T00:16:00.001+08:00

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch .

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck..

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything... Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Nine Words Women Use

2009-07-07T09:08:00.003+08:00

1) Fine:
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are wrong and want you to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes:
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing:
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in “fine.”

(4) Go Ahead:
This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh:
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks:
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever:
Is a woman's way of saying F--YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it:
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

How Fathers were created

2009-06-07T01:01:00.004+08:00

When the good Lord was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame.

A female angel nearby said, "What kind of father is that? If you're going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put fathers up so high? He won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping.

And God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him childsize, who would children have to look up to?"

And when God made a father's hands, they were large and sinewy.

The angel shook her head sadly and said, "Large hands are clumsy. They can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on ponytails or even remove splinters caused by baseball bats."

And God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at the end of a day, yet small enough to cup a child's face."

And then God molded long, slim legs and broad shoulders.

The angel nearly had a heart attack. "Boy, this is the end of the week, all right," she clucked. "Do you realize you just made a father without a lap? How is he going to pull a child close to him without the kid falling between his legs?"

And God smiled and said, "A mother needs a lap. A father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance a boy on a bicycle or hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus."

God was in the middle of creating two of the largest feet anyone had ever seen when the angel could contain herself no longer. "That's not fair. Do you honestly think those large boats are going to dig out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries? Or walk through a small birthday party without crushing at least three of the guests?"

And God smiled and said, "They'll work. You'll see. They'll support a small child who wants to ride a horse to Banbury Cross or scare off mice at the summer cabin or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill."

God worked throughout the night, giving the father few words but a firm, authoritive voice and eyes that saw everything but remained calm and tolerant. Finally, almost as an afterthought, He added tears. Then He turned to the angel and said, "Now, are you satisfied that he can love as much as a mother?"

The angel shutteth up.

Before I was a Mom ..........

2009-05-06T23:20:00.006+08:00

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

>

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom ...

To all the Awesome Moms.......

You are the BEST !!!!!

Is your nose the same length as your thumb ?

2009-04-23T23:21:00.015+08:00

You really ought to know this. The human body is a machine that is full of wonders.

Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.

The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.

You use 200 muscles to take one step.

The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.

Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.

A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.

A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.

The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.

It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.

Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair..

At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.

The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.

Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.

When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

Your thumb is the same length of your nose.

At this very moment I know well you are putting this last fact to the test...
...now

remove your thumb from your nose !!

Comments

Is Your Hammer Male or Female ?

2009-04-02T01:06:00.009+08:00

You might not have known this...but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS:
They are male, because they hold everything in...but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS:

These are female, because once turned off...it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed...but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

TIRES:
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

HOT AIR BALLOONS:
Also a male object... because to get them to go anywhere...you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES:
These are female...because they are soft.....squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES:
Female...because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS:
Definitely male... because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS:
Egg timers are female because...over time...all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS:
Male... because in the last 5000 years.....they've hardly changed at all...and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL:
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male...but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it...and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push...he just keeps trying

Coolest tree !

2009-03-12T23:11:00.002+08:00

This is soooooo cool !
Can you find the 10 leaders faces on the tree?

Men as explained by woman

2009-02-28T00:01:00.005+08:00

This is interesting... but TRUE

Woman has Man in it;

Mrs. has Mr . in it;

Female has Male in it;

She has He in it;

Madam has Adam in it;

No wonder men always want to be inside women!

Men were born between the legs of a woman,
yet men spend all their life and time trying
to go back between the legs of a woman...., Why?
BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME

Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...

I never looked at it this way before:

MEN tal illness

MENstrual cramps

MEN tal breakdown

MENopause

GUY necologist

AND ...

When we have REAL trouble, it's a

HIS terectomy.
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?

WOMAN - As explained by engineers

2009-02-08T23:00:00.003+08:00

Secrets of a Happy Marriage

2009-01-30T12:56:00.003+08:00

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything.
They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about..

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."

Bald Is Beautiful

2009-01-17T10:55:00.008+08:00

My wife called, 'How long will you be with that newspaper? Will you come here and make your darling daughter eat her food?

I tossed the paper away and rushed to the scene. My only daughter, Sindu, looked frightened; tears were welling up in her eyes. In front of her was a bowl filled to its brim with curd rice. Sindu is a nice
child, quite intelligent for her age.

I cleared my throat and picked up the bowl. 'Sindu, darling, why don't you take a few mouthful of this curd rice? Just for Dad's sake, dear'.

Sindu softened a bit and wiped her tears with the back of her hands.
'Ok, Dad. I will eat - not just a few mouthfuls, but the whole lot of this. But, you should...'
Sindu hesitated.
'Dad, if I eat this entire curd Rice, will you give me Whatever I ask for?'

'Promise'. I covered the pink soft hand extended by my daughter with mine, and clinched the deal. Now I became a bit anxious.
'Sindu, dear, you shouldn't insist on getting a computer or any such expensive items. Dad does not have that kind of money right now. Ok?'

'No, Dad. I do not want anything expensive'.
Slowly and painfully, she finished eating the whole quantity. I was silently angry with my wife and my mother for forcing my child to eat something that she detested.

After the ordeal was through, Sindu came to me with her eyes wide with expectation. All our attention was on her.

'Dad, I want to have my head shaved off, this Sunday!' was her demand.

'Atrocious!' shouted my wife, 'A girl child having her head shaved off? Impossible!'

'Never in our family!' My mother rasped. 'She has been watching too much of television. Our culture is getting totally spoiled with these TV programs!'

'Sindu, darling, why don't you ask for something else? We will be sad seeing you with a clean-shaven head.'

'Please, Sindu, why don't you try to understand our feelings?' I tried to plead with her.

'Dad, you saw how difficult it was for me to eat that Curd Rice'.
Sindu was in tears. 'And you promised to grant me whatever I ask for. Now, you are going back on your words. Was it not you who told me the story of King Harishchandra, and its moral that we should honor our
promises no matter what?'

It was time for me to call the shots. 'Our promise must be kept.'

'Are you out of your mind?' chorused my mother and wife.

'No. If we go back on our promises, she will never learn to honour her own.. Sindu, your wish will be fulfilled.'

With her head clean-shaven, Sindu had a round-face, and her eyes looked big and beautiful.

On Monday morning, I dropped her at her school. It was a sight to watch my hairless Sindu walking towards her classroom. She turned around and waved. I waved back with a smile. Just then, a boy alighted from a car, and shouted,
'Sinduja, please wait for me!'
What struck me was the hairless head of that boy. 'May be, that is the in-stuff', I thought.

'Sir, your daughter Sinduja is great indeed!'
Without introducing herself, a lady got out of the car, and continued,
'that boy who is
walking along with your daughter is my son Harish. He is suffering from... leukemia'. She paused to muffle her sobs.
'Harish could not attend the school for the whole of the last month. He lost all his hair due to the side effects of the chemotherapy.He refused to come back to school fearing the unintentional but cruel teasing of the schoolmates. Sinduja visited him last week, and promised him that she will take care of the teasing issue. But, I never imagined she would sacrifice her lovely hair for the sake of my son! Sir, you and your wife are blessed to have such a noble soul as your daughter.'

I stood transfixed and then, I wept.
'My little Angel, you are teaching me how selfless real love is!'

The happiest people on this planet are not those who live on their own terms but are those who change their terms for the ones whom they love...

Bitchy Math ?

2009-01-10T09:42:00.007+08:00

Be aware of what your children or grandchildren are learning.!!!!!

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine ....'
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'
The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.'

'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked.
'Yes,' he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you teaching my son in math?'

The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'

The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?'

"NO!", the indignant teacher roared back,
'What I taught them was, two plus two,
THE SUM OF WHICH,
is four.'

Want to Make Math More FUN ? Click Here!

Pay Attention

2008-12-28T23:14:00.002+08:00

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were attending their first Anatomy class, with a dead pig.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a White sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a Doctor:

The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the Animal body'. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, Stuck his finger in the nose of the dead pig, withdrew it and stuck his Finger in his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his Students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the nose of the dead pig And sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The Second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle Finger and sucked on my index finger.

Now learn to pay attention !

Expose Hidden Secrets of the Human Body ! Click Here!

Unique Christmas Trees

2008-12-25T03:13:00.014+08:00

Merry Christmas ! One of the best things we love about the season is putting up the Christmas Tree! Not only are we proud of our own trees, we oggle and admire all those creative Trees found around town. Below are some special trees ........

World's most expensive Trees

The dazzling 24k gold tree, decorated with more than 240 jewels including diamond baubles and strings of pearls.

It weighs more than 21 kilograms and is worth 150million yen - or £1million.

Made by a Singapore jeweller , this magnificent tree is encrusted with 21,798 glittering diamonds totaling 913 carats, 3,762 crystal beads and is decorated with 456 lights. With a height of 6 meters and weighing at 3,215 kg, it is worth US $1,005,000.

World Biggest Tree
A Christmas tree lighting ceremony was held in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil on Nov 26. According to Guinness World Records, the 82-meter-tall tree decorated with 2.8 million colorful bulbs is the biggest one in the world.

OTHER UNUSUAL TREES

Beer Bottle Tree - made from beer bottles.

Shelf Tree - creatively made from books and magazines

Aluminium Tree
made from non-corrosive high quality aluminium foil.

Ribbon Tree

Morning Dew can Tree

Chinese Bamboo Tree
Wire Tree
Lego Tree
Crocheted Tree
Upside Down Tree to save space
Floating Christmas Tree
Placed at Rodrigo de Freitas Lagoon. It weights 530 tons, has 85m and 2.9 million lights. It keeps getting bigger every year. From Dec 1st to Jan 6th, every night after dark the lights sparkle and change colours constantly. Every 30 min there is a "water ballet".

British English Vs Malaysian English

2008-12-22T01:04:00.005+08:00

Many foreigners are amazed at the way Malaysians speak English. We had been accused of eating our words , butchering the language , Malaysianising it ( to Manglish ? ) but Malaysians are actually proud of their "creative" English, claiming it to be simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point, effective etc.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS

Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.

Malaysians: No stock.

RETURNING A CALL

Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?

Malaysians: Hello, who call?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY

Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?

Malaysians: S-kew me.

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY

Britons: Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me..

Malaysians: No need lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION

Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?

Malaysians: (pointing at the door) Can ah?

WHEN ENTERTAINING

Britons: Please make yourself right at home.

Malaysians: No need shy shy one lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE

Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.

Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER

Britons: I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.

Malaysians: Don't want lah.

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION

Britons: Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.

Malaysians: You mad ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.

Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here.

Malaysians: Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.

Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?

Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.

Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.

Malaysians: Die lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED

Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?

Malaysians: What happened ah? Why like that one lah?

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG

Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you.

Malaysians: Like that also don't know how to do!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY

Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me?

Malaysians: Celaka you!

MOO ECONOMICS

2008-12-13T23:25:00.013+08:00

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS

You have 2 cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

CHINESE ECONOMICS

You have 2 cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment,
high bovine productivity and
arrest anyone reporting actual numbers.

INDIAN ECONOMICS

You have 2 cows. You worship them.

PAKISTANI ECONOMICS

You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask
the US for financial aid,
China for military aid,
Britain for warplanes,
Italy for machines,
Germany for technology,
France for submarines,
Switzerland for loans,
Russia for drugs and
Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with this and claim exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS

You have 2 cows.
You sell one and force the other
to produce the milk of 4 cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows
and naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS

You have 2 cows.
You go on strike because you want 3 cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS

You have 2 cows.
You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years,
eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS

You have 2 cows.
They are both mad.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS

You have 2 cows.
You don't know where they are.
They break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS

You have 5,000 cows,
none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS

You have 2 cows.
you redesign them so that
they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and
produce 20 times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images
called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

Bra Codes

2008-12-08T21:38:00.013+08:00

AND, just a thought for all the women out there........

MENtal illness,
MENstrual cramps,
MENtal breakdown,
MENopause............

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?.........And

When we have real trouble it's HISterectomy!!!!

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

STUD ROOSTER

2008-12-04T18:51:00.008+08:00

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.

The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

'OK old fart, time for you to retire.'

The old rooster replies,

'Come on, surely you cannot handle
ALL of these chickens.
Look what it has done to me.
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'

The young rooster says,
'Beat it: You are washed up
and I am taking over.'

The old rooster says,
'I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'

The young rooster laughs.
'You know you don't stand a chance, old man.
So, just to be fair,
I will give you a head start.'

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch
when he sees the roosters running by.
The Old Rooster is squalking
and running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM -
he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,
'Dammit.....
third gay rooster I bought this month.'

Moral of this
story? .

Don't mess with the OLD FARTS -
age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery

always overcome youth and arrogance!

INTERESTING FACTS

2008-11-30T19:12:00.015+08:00

Interesting Facts:

1. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

2. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt" 3. Almonds are members of the peach family.

4. The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.

5. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
6. Ingrown toenails are hereditary.

7. The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English language.

8. "Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und."

9. There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

10. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
11. The only other word with the same amount of letters is its plural: pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosesl.
12. The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwe-nuakit natahu, a New Zealand hill.

13. Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reinade los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, L.A.
14. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

15. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
16. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.

17. Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.
18. Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.

19. The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.

21. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

23. There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the,there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein. 24. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. 26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
27. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

28. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.

30. The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti

31. 'Stewardesses' is the longest English word that is typed with only the left hand.

33. The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways; the following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."

34. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

35. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."

36. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian seal for that reason.
37. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.

38. The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead."

39. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases

Chicken Talk !

2008-11-27T23:39:00.007+08:00

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MCCAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because it recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing the road together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .......... reboot.

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
Chicken shall not shit while crossing the road. This is for a green environment.

LEE KUAN YEW:
We have installed crossing lights at all traffic junctions. All chickens should follow instructions while crossing the road.

SAMY VELLU:
Gantry points have been set up. All chickens wanting to cross the road are advised to top up their cash cards first.

NAJIB RAZAK:
What chickens? I don't know any chickens... especially those from Mongolia.

ABDULLAH BADAWI:
We have to be fair to all chickens. Some want to cross over the road, some do not. ........ Zzzzzz .......zzzzzz ....... Now what were we talking about? Ah yes, chickens. We will form a Royal Commission to decide whether it is right for them to cross the road.

MAHATHIR:
Now even non-bumi chickens want to cross the road! How can they disrespect and disregard apa nama bumi chickens? We must be allowed to cross over first. It is our special privilege and no one can challenge that!

ANWAR:
We have enough chickens waiting to cross over in September.

SHAHRIR:
All foreign chickens are welcome in Malaysia but they must not cross over the road within 50km of the border.